![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
I don't remember the last time I took to sit down and write about the events in my life and to rant out my feelings. I have had an emotional ride since the last time I have written anything. I have been betrayed and have watched people dying. Lets backup and recount all that has happened. I became friends with R. early in this past spring quarter and we became inseperable. It was a really good friendship in which I shared many things I have never told anyone. We had our rocky times just like any other friendship in this world. During our friendship my father went into cardiac arrest and she came with me to find out what hospital he was at and came to the hospital for visits. For about 2 weeks I made daily visits to the hospital. When they sent my dad home on confinement due to lung clots they had to work to get out before they would do surgery on him. About 2 weeks into the confinment R. and I had a falling out due to lies told to her by an ex-friend of mine. She accused me and found me guilty of shit I never did and didnt wait to ask me about it before finding me guilty. (That was a blow.) About two weeks later I left for CT while my brother stayed home wit my Dad. In CT I went to a Bon Jovi/ Nickleback concert and did a lot of thins to get my mind off of what had been happening at home. I came home to find out that my Dad is to have a dyfibulator put in and his heart shocked back into rythm and that he has been put on the heart transplant list and to also find I am the executor of his estate in case anything happens. I am saddened by one fact though. No matter what I say he is till going out getting drunk and eating unheathly food in huge quanities. If he keeps this up he is not going to last long so at times I feel like I am just waiting for the call to hear he is dead. He is an example of what i do not want to become. My friend Chris became engaged while I was gone and I am soon to be a maid of honor. I came home late Thursday night after 5 hours of sleep and 18 hours of driving t hang out with my brother because he was leaving the next morning to see his GF and then head to school. On Friday I hung out with Chris and then she disappeared . I found out from her Mom on Wednesday after many unanswered calls that she had gone to stay with Rob (her fiance) and she had no clue when she would be back. Well at that time I had two weeks till school started and a lot of time to fill. During this time I saw my ex-or-whatever-you-can-call-him and wish I hadn't seen him in the first place. During this time I really needed someone to talk to but had no one I felt comfortable in confiding in so I turned to my mom. I have not always had a comfortable relationship with her but she has come thru this time around. I have also come to terms with my weight problem/eating disorder and am working on changing for the better. I think I really need to rediscover who I really am and what I really care for. I have become to chalant about things to the point I don't care anymore about the things that define me. I need to start caring again. I make this my statement of intent to change. It will be slow and very hard to do but I am willing to hurt in order to change. Without pain there is no gain. I start classes tomorrow. I find myself feeling like I did the first day I went to college... aprehensive... even though thats a funny idea since I am a second year senior. Maybe it is normal but I can't help laughing at myself. Today I put up about 70 books for sell and have sold six of them and made 40 dollars.... HURRAY! Ok that is enough releasing for one day. Cya!
contemplative
aggravated
discontent
confused
